


the state of my heart, he was my best friend

by strawberryfire



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, M/M, MAX MAYFIELD IS GAY, Sad Will, elmax - Freeform, mike isn’t a douche, someone hug him, will byers is gay, will comes out :’)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20142205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfire/pseuds/strawberryfire
Summary: will coming out to everyone and mike being a supportive bf (kinda)—song: the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us by sufjan stevens





	1. i can’t explain the state that i’m in

**Author's Note:**

> aka this is what SHOULD have happened instead of “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”

it was a normal night. a normal, fun, night. at least i kept telling myself that.

we were playing a game of dungeons and dragons, but my mind was a million miles away.

i told mom this morning. i wasn’t afraid, i knew she would love me even if i killed someone. i told jonathan too and he hugged me so tight i thought my eyes were gonna pop out of socket.

my family loves me and i knew that.

but would my friends still love me? still care about me? sure they would. of course they would. i don’t think they’d care.

i didn’t really feel afraid, no i think it was just nervousness. okay, maybe i was a little bit scared but this morning, when i told mom, she told me something. and i’ve been thinking about it a lot.

she said, “there’s a dolly parton quote that i love more than anything. find out who you are, and do it on purpose.”

and what was my purpose? i guess to be gay. i thought that was funny, honestly. no. it was to tell my friends, proudly and without hesitation.

the pizza had come, so we had a food break.

“will, you okay? you’ve been quiet.” el asks.

her and i had gotten a lot closer since she was basically my sister now. i resented her at times because mike always called her. he never called me. he never rushed to cerebro to call me. only her. which i guess made sense because i guess, i’m only a friend to him. i’ll only ever be a friend.

“yeah, i’m good. just tired from the car ride.” i open my coke and take a sip.

el just nods and eats her pizza.

max was sat next to me. maybe i should tell her first, since she told me about her gigantic crush on el and that maybe girls were prettier than she thought.

dustin turns on back to the future, so the rest of the gang is distracted from that.

it’s just me and max, still sitting at the game table.

“hey, max?” i keep my voice quiet and i try not to sound so goddamn anxious.

“yeah what’s up?” she says, leaning back in her chair and drinking her coke.

“can i tell you something?” i take a deep breath before adding, “you can’t tell the others…not yet.”

she looks at me worried and leans the chair down back onto the floor, “of course, will. you can tell me anything.”

my hands are sweating and oh god now i really have to say it because she probably thinks the mind flayer is back.

“it’s nothing bad i just…” i literally cannot say it. i can’t get the words out of my mouth.

she puts her hand on my shoulder, “will, it’s okay. you’re one my best friends and i won’t judge you for absolutely anything.”

i look at her and i whispers so quiet because i’m terrified the others will here, “i’m gay, max.”

a huge ear to ear grin grows on her face and she hugs me tightly.

i hug back and my heart beat slows down just a little.

she ruffles my hair and says softly, “i’m so proud of you, will.” she’s smiling so big i’m afraid her cheeks hurt.

i smile back and whisper, “thank you, max. so, you gonna tell el you love her now?”

she rolls her eyes playfully and whispers, “i could only dream.”

“y’all stop whispering over there!” lucas complains.

“sorrryyy.” max giggles.

i had this sudden confidence i didn’t have before and i couldn’t stop the words coming out of my mouth.

“hey guys i have something important to tell you.”

dustin pauses the movie, “yeaaah, what’s up?”

mike’s looking at me. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“i um…”

max gives me a reassuring smile.

“i like boys. i’m gay.”

they’re all silent.

and that’s, of course, when the waterworks bust open. i start crying and run out of the house.

they don’t love me, they don’t care about me, they hate me now. i just know it.

“will! will, come back!” i hear mike’s voice behind me as i keep running to castle byers.

i don’t listen, i don’t care. he’s the last person i want to talk to right now.

i eventually get to the castle that max re-built because “she needed a place to cry.” which only i understood, of course.

i crawl inside and pull the blankets down over the front. i bring my knees to my chest, crying hard.

i still hear mike, “will!”

i wish he’d go away. please god make him go away.

i hear him get closer and i hear his panting. i hear his footsteps get slower as he gets closer.

he stops and i see his shoes.

“will…” he’s out of breath, “will, can i come in please?”

i don’t say anything. i hold in my sobs because i don’t want his sympathy, i don’t want any of that. it’s not his silence that hurt. it’s the comment he made last summer.

“_it’s not my fault you don’t like girls_.”

he leans down but doesn’t move the blankets to crawl in.

“will, please…”

“fine.” i whisper, moving to the corner so he can’t get near me.

and there’s that part of my brain that wants him to come in. wants him to hold my hands and tell me it’s okay. i just want to feel loved by him because he’s so warm and lanky and cute.

he crawls in and sits on the corner by the door.

we sit in silence, as if he’s unsure of what to say.

“i hope you know we don’t hate you.” he finally says after what seems to be hours.

i keep my head down and stay silent because if i look at him i’m just gonna start crying again.

only because he’s that fucking perfect and i’m that fucking whipped and i hate it. i hate it so much. because he doesn’t like a stupid nerd of a boy with way too many mental health problems and a bowl cut. he likes a pretty girl with pretty curly hair and pretty eyes.

“will, i’m serious.” i hear him scoot a little closer.

“i know.” i whisper.

“we are your best friends, will. i’m your best friend, will, i wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

yeah, best friend. my best friend that i always share a bed with at sleepovers. my best friend that knows every single one of my secrets, what makes me tick, what calms me down when i’m scared. he knows how to help with my ptsd episodes, what my favorite pizza order from dominos is, what ice cream i get at scoops. my best friend that i share a dark green corduroy jacket with in the winter, the one i hold hands with during scary parts of a movie.

“but it’s not your fault i don’t like girls.” i whisper.

i hear his breath catch, “w-will…i…”

and i know he’s about to cry because he always stutters over his words, trying to shove the tears down. he hates crying because he did once in front of some bully and mike never heard the end of it.

i don’t say anything and i keep my head down.

it starts to rain outside.

i sit there and i’m about to get up, but i hear a sob coming from the corner mike was sitting in.

i look up and he has his head in his hands. his back is shaking and the collar of his baby blue polo sweater has tear stains on it.

oh, so this was bad.

“mike…”

“i-i’m so s-sorry.” he says through his tears. “i’m s-so sorry, it’s b-been so hard without you.”

i move in front of him, “mike, breathe.”

he just keeps crying way too hard for his scrawny ass to handle, “i-it’s not the s-same, nothing i-is the s-same, i-i can’t s-stand having to g-go to school without you. t-the party isn’t the s-same. i-i…i’m so s-sorry.”

i pull him to my chest and hold him to my chest, our lanky legs tangled together.

he’s crying hard and gripping my shirt. i wrap my arms around him, “mike, it’s okay. it’s okay.”

i rub his back and hum softly, because that’s what calms him down. i gently play with his hair and i feel his crying slowly stop.

that’s something el doesn’t know. mike loves when people play with his hair and it always made me smile because he always gets sleepy. the way he’s so bad at keeping his eyes open.

he rests his head on my shoulder and sniffs. i just sit there holding him and i hope that i never have to move.

“can we stay like this forever?” mike whispers.

“if you want.” i whisper back.

mike laughs a little and i curl a piece of his hair around my finger.

“it really has been so hard without you, will…really, really hard.”

“i know, mike.” i trace little patterns on his back, watching it rise and fall as he breathes.

he moves a little so he’s inches in front of my face. my heart starts pounding again and i can feel sweat on my forehead.

“you remember that time we kissed in here? it was right after halloween. the sun was setting and it was really pretty.”

i smile a little, “yeah, i remember. but i just convinced myself you did it as a dare.”

“now why would i do that?”

i shrug, “cause you like eleven. no, i’m sorry, you love el.”

he looks at me and i look away.

“will. look at me.”

and so i do.

“sure, i love her. but that was a heat of the moment thing. i was upset and worried.”

“yeah, i guess.”

“she doesn’t know me like you. not one bit. and she’s a bit too clingy for me, but it doesn’t bother me. you’re clingy too, but…it’s cute.” he smiles, “you’re way too cute.”

i feel my cheeks turning pink, “shut up, mike.”

“what? it’s true.” he pokes my nose, “i love that you’re so cute and i absolutely love your voice. i like to hear you talk, is that weird?”

i scrunch my nose up and shrug again, “i dunno.”

mike’s still looking at me and i’m trying to avoid his eyes. he brings his hand up and gently rubs his thumb on my cheek.

“you’re so soft and nice to be around. you’re an amazing listener, you know me better than i know myself.”

he puts his thumb on my lips and i look into his eyes.

the rain is slowing down outside and i hear the party calling our names.

he moves his thumb away and slowly leans in. i move closer too and close my eyes. he presses his lips to mine and the world outside stops. i don’t hear the rain, the party, nothing.

right now it’s just me, him, and the moon.

he kisses a little deeper and i kiss back, trying to enjoy every single second.

as the footsteps get closer, he slowly pulls away. “i love you, will byers.”

i look into his eyes and oh shit, he means it.

“you’ve broken my heart. you’ve made me cry and scream into my pillow. but as long as there are stars in the sky, i love you too, mike wheeler.”

he smiles real big and kisses me again.

“mikeee! will! where are youuu?” i hear lucas call out.

i kiss back and giggle softly, “now i know what el means when she says she misses lying in bed and kissing you.”

mike laughs, “we’ll do that as soon as we get home and everyone’s asleep. sound like a plan?”

i grin, “with a movie too?”

“yea.” he smiles and kisses my forehead. “any one you want.”

the rain stops and we both step out, mike putting his arm around my shoulders.

“will!” dustin runs and tackles me with a hug, almost making me fall over.

“dustiiinn, be carefullll.” mike says, put his hand on my back.

i look over and max is holding el’s hand tightly, her head on max’s shoulder.

i smile widely at her and give her a thumbs up. she grins back.

so yeah, maybe this whole coming out thing wasn’t such a bad idea.


	2. i can tell you, i love him each day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part two bc why not

we all walked back to the house laughing and making stupid jokes.

the rest went inside, but i put my hand on el’s shoulder and she turned around to look at me.

she hugs me tightly, “i’ve learned so much lately and one of those things is that i’m proud of you, will.”

i hug back, “thank you so much, el. i’m proud of you, too.”

she grins, “max is so cute.”

i smile back, “yes she is.”

“hey…i just..im sorry if i ever took mike away from you, i never knew he meant so much to you.”

i frown, “el, it’s totally okay. i promise.”

“swear on eggos?”

i nod and smile, “i swear on eggos.”

she smiles and goes back inside, me following right after her.

max is sitting on the couch and el runs to her, tackling her. they’re both giggling and looking at each other with big heart eyes, it’s precious.

“guys guess what? apparently steve is bi, too.” dustin says, sitting by cerebro.

“i could have told you that, have you seen the way he looks at billy?” i sit down on one of the chairs, bringing my knees to my chest. mike isn’t in the room, guess he went to his room to change.

“and have you seen the way billy looks at him?” max giggles, “they’re so in love.”

“that’s amazing. i love all my gay friends. we should tell steve and billy to adopt us all.” lucas grins and i just roll my eyes playfully.

“lucas, i hope that you’re not mad at me.” max says out of nowhere.

“what? max, i could never. i feel bad, i shouldn’t have yknow been so forceful on you.” he says, sitting down on the floor in front of the couch.

“it’s not your fault.” she smiles then leans over and hugs him, “i’m just glad we’re still friends, stalker.”

he hugs back, “me too, mad max.”

mike finally comes into sight, walking downstairs with his cute star wars pjs on and a flannel in hand.

“i brought this for you, will.” he tosses it to me and smiles.

i catch it and smile back. it smells just like him.

“thanks. i was gettin cold.” i put it on and it’s warm, just like him.

“of course.” he sits down in front of me and leans back against me.

i look at the girls and they’re fast asleep, el holding onto max like her life depends on it. i get up and grab a blanket, putting it over them.

“they’re so cute.” mike whispers.

“i know right?”

mrs. wheeler already had the blow up beds set for up lucas and dustin, so they were already two sheets to the wind within minutes. mike’s house is so cozy, especially during the winter.

mike takes my hand, “cmon.” he brings me upstairs to his room, “look, my mom let me get a tv.” he grins.

“i love it.” i sit down on the bed, watching him as he puts in national lampoon’s vacation, our favorite movie.

i was getting impatient, “mikeee cmon, i’m cold.”

“hold ya horsesss.” he turns off the lights and presses play on the movie then crawls under the covers, taking me with him.

we had slept in the same bed countless times. it never meant anything until i realized that maybe i liked boys and i honestly didn’t know you could do that. how could you not? they’re so nice and they’re such idiots. cute idiots.

we’re sitting up against the headboard and he’s holding me as we watch the movie and every time he laughs it makes me want to cry. i hated being so sensitive but this was different. i had wanted this forever. for him to just hold me and his attention be on me.

i wanted him to look at me, to kiss me, for him to say “i love him and i cant loose him again.”

did he really love me? oh god. does he actually like me? is he doing this out of sympathy? oh my god he is. he totally is. there’s no way in hell he could just all of a sudden let go of el so easily and come to me so quickly. no way.

i move away from him, out of his arms and god it hurts but i just know.

“heyyy.” he pouts and tries to pull me back, but i push him away.

“will…what’s wrong?”

“you don’t really like me.” i whisper.

he looks at me almost…heartbroken.

“how could you say that?”

“y-you’re just d-doing this out o-of sympathy. y-you don’t really c-care and t-tomorrow you’re gonna g-go right back to e-el.” i’m trying so hard not to cry but again, i’m overly sensitive and the tears are already rolling.

mike puts his hand on my cheek and i look at him. the moonlight is hitting his face just right and god, he’s gorgeous.

“i would never do that,” he moves his hand to my hair, running his fingers through it.

“y-yes you w-would.” my voice cracks and even more tears are building up.

“will…” his voice is soft and his eyes sparkle and i think that’s why i’m crying because he’s so pretty. he’s so pretty and i don’t want to believe that he could choose someone like me.

“you are my best friend. not just that. i just…i told you earlier didn’t i? that you know me better than i know myself. and…i worry about you. i worry about you constantly. if you’re okay, if you’re having an episode and who’s calming you down. i worry about if you’re being bullied at school. i worry about if you’re happy. i worry if you’re lonely and scared.”

i sniff and look at him, tears still falling down my cheeks.

“that’s why i love you, will byers. because not only do i know everything about you, you know everything about me. stuff that el never understood. she didn’t know that i like star trek more than star wars, that i love the stars and studying the constellations, or that you,” he kisses me, “you are the one person that makes me feel safe.”

i kiss back and it makes my heart skip a beat because it’s so gentle. he’s so careful.

“s-same goes t-to you.” i whisper, not wanting him to pull away. he was my first kiss, in castle byers during halloween before it all happened.  
and when i think about the days that followed, i always think of that first. that one little kiss and gentle touch.

he smiles, “i assure you, will…i’m literally going crazy because i love you. i thought i loved el and yeah, maybe i did, but when i realized she couldn’t hold me the way you did and she couldn’t make me laugh the way you do. it was driving me absolutely insane because my heart was in two places and i’m more than happy that i chose you.”

i’m crying even more now because of how goddamn _sweet_ he’s being. he’s so nice and i hate it.

“stop cryiiing.” he giggles softly, kissing away each tear.

i giggle a little, “i’m sorryy, i’m overly emotional, you know that.”

“i do, and it’s okay. it’s something i like about you.”

he lays down, his face still in the moonlight. i lay beside him and we just look at each other.

he puts his hand in my hair, gently playing with it.

“you promised me kisses, wheeler.” i say softly.

“yes i did.” he pulls me closer, “and that’s a promise i intend to keep.”

“why are you so damn pretty, mike?” i ask without even realizing it.

he laughs softly, “i dunno, will. why are you?”

i kiss him because i don’t know either. he kisses back, still so gently.

each and every kiss makes my heart want to explode. one hand in my hair, the other on my back. he’s so touchy, it’s cute. he wants people as close to him as possible. he doesn’t like any extra space.

i giggle as he pulls me even closer, which i didn’t think was possible, “you’re so needy.”

he blushes, “am not.”

“yes you aree.” i giggle again, wrapping my arms around him.

he just hums and rests his forehead against mine. our legs are tangled together and i can hear our hearts beating in sync. his breathing is slowing and he’s struggling to keep his eyes open.

i kiss him again, “get some sleep, mikey.”

he kiss back and mumbles a little, “hmm don’t want to.”

“you’re mumbling, so i know you’re tired.” i start playing with his hair and rubbing his back gently.

“jus’promise you won’t leave? and another kiss? one more?”

i kiss him and let it linger, “i won’t leave mikey. i promise.”

he smiles and closes his eyes. i watch his chest rise and fall. he looks so peaceful.

even though i was awake, my dream had come true. i’m holding the boy that i love and i kissed the boy that i love for a solid 15 minutes and i cant feel my lips but it’s alright. i don’t mind one bit.

i bury my face into his neck and i feel him smile.

i never wanted to go to sleep because i’d loose the daydream of me and him. but he’s not a daydream anymore.

drifting off i think, no, he’s not a dream. he’s my reality now.  
—


End file.
